There is one woman I credit for my
recovery and healing from the devastation of discovering my husband was gay.
Her name is Bonnie Kaye, herself a straight wife survivor. She has dedicated
her life to helping women in this situation find their way out. Late one
evening in 2007 when I was at rock bottom not knowing where to turn I decided to email
the author of many of the books I had been reading as I searched for months for
guidance. It was Bonnie Kaye. Although I felt that such a busy well-known
author would never have the time to respond to me, I proceeded anyway and wrote
and wrote pouring my heart out onto the pages of my email describing my 39-year
relationship with my husband. I sat staring at the email on my screen for a
long time before gathering the courage to hit send. I was afraid it was going
to be just another vain attempt at finding solace. So I was completely stunned
when within 5 minutes Bonnie had answered me saying, “I am here for you.” And she
has walked beside me the whole way this past decade. I could not have done it
without her. She is the author of 6 books on the subject of and for straight
wives of gay husbands including these 2 of her more recent editions for which I
was honored to create the covers :
Message from Bonnie Kaye:
“My goal is to get this message out that you are not responsible for your husband’s
homosexuality. You had no
part in creating it, nor could you prevent it from surfacing when it did.
Almost all gay husbands love their wives when they get married. They are hoping
this love will be strong enough to stop those attractions to men—but it’s not.
In time, their feelings surface or resurface and they need to act on them. Gay
is not a choice because if it were, no man who is married would “choose” it.
However, honesty to you, the wife, is a choice. The greatest gift a gay husband
can give his wife is the truth. As difficult as it is to know this, it is much
worse not to know it and not understand why your marriage is so off track. I
can offer you information that will help you come to terms with your situation,
free monthly newsletters loaded with important information, on-line support
chats twice a week, and pain-pals to help you one-on-one get through the worst
of times. I am here for you to listen, console, and help. Feel free to contact
me at any time.” Bonne Kaye
http://www.bonniekayebooks.com/
Why did it take me so long, to finally seek out help? I suppose it has been the mourning, the grieving, the death of my world, now turned to remorse and anger.
ReplyDeleteI feel raped, robbed, empty, alone, lost. I still can't stop crying. I can't see straight. How do I begin to get myself out of this house? Where do I go to?
I have no refuge.
Please contact my friend, the woman who rescued me, Bonnie Kaye at http://www.gayhusbands.com ….She will be there for you. It took me almost 40 years to see clearly. Maybe we see it when we are ready. Know that you are not alone - there are thousands of straight wives out there. We all share the same feelings. You are free now, don't let the anger and the bitterness keep you in the past. Don't give him one more minute of your life. Discover what you want the rest of your life to be. Give yourself the love and time you need. Seek out other straight wives - we are the only ones who can really understand each other. I wish you peace and strength.
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